Thursday, March 4, 2010

my jumbled thoughts

I'm in a state of emotional upheaval right now. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm trying not to show it and just let things pass without having a complete and total breakdown in front of others, but it seems to be coming over me more and more often. Tonight, not once, but twice, I literally could have started sobbing. I'm not sad, really. Just emotional. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear it's my "special" time of the month.......fortunately, I don't have that anymore!! (yeah, me....yes, I know you're jealous!).

I know it has a lot to do with BIG decisions coming our way, and God working those things out. It seems like every day He gives us another confirmation that we are doing the right thing. I'm so relieved to finally have made the decision. Of course, even through this, He is teaching me patience. I use to think that He was done with that lesson (hahahahahahahahaha), but I now realize that He has ONLY begun. Learning to WAIT until He is ready to reveal is a biggie for me...and I have a hard time with it. Boy, if I had learned it earlier in sanity would have been so much better. Only He knows the big picture, which of course, I know, BUT that doesn't stop me from worrying about the BIG picture. Craziness!! In this situation, just like when we waited for Him to send us to SC, waiting has been sweet. Savoring the emotions that have come with watching it all come together in His time is like nothing I've ever tasted.

School is going really well. I'll be glad when it's over! I finally feel caught up although this month is going to be insane. There are more days than ever that I have multiple places to be and things to do. I will certainly be ready for a vacation when it's all over. I do hope that Steve and I will be able to go on our anniversary trip in May......we will definitely need it by then.

I read a post today about insecurity and how God helps us deal with that. WOW! I honestly never really thought about allowing Him to help me in that area. I guess I always figured that He had bigger fish to fry than my neurosis! Why, oh, why didn't I trust that He didn't want me to fret over every little thing that I said when what I really wanted was just to serve Him?? He knew I was trying my best....He knows my heart. I am so glad for that! Thankfully, He even has time for me. Thanks, Cathy, for pointing that out.

So, those are my jumbled thoughts. I cannot wait to reveal the big secret. It's so exciting and amazing................

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