vulnerable

I have been feeling very vulnerable lately.



I. Don't. Like. It.



I cry at the drop of a hat, almost as though I am on an emotional roller coaster. Now, I know what some of you are thinking..............it must be that time of the month! But, alas, I no longer have that issue (Yeah, me & Dr. Wynstra!!).



So, I've been thinking....................what the heck is wrong with me???

I think it's because there is something BIG on the horizon. It's because GOD keeps his promises. Promises that He made to me (promises I am not ready to share here) and they are BIG! I am daily seeking His face and asking what He wants. I am daily asking for His blessings for me, my husband, my children, my church. I am getting ready. I am excited!

That's why I feel vulnerable, because He is working. He is beginning a NEW work in Me, and I am making myself available for that work. I know it's coming...........I want to be ready!

So, I will continue to humble myself before the Father. Continue to seek His will, His desires, and that makes me vulnerable. I believe that real vulnerability comes when we fall on our knees in front of our Father and ask Him to use us. GUESS WHAT?? He will! He wants to!

Am I scared? a little, God is Powerful.

Am I willing? oh yeah!

Am I excited? you betcha!

But all-in-all it will be worth it. I want to lay it all out for Him. Bare myself for Him. But that doesn't mean that I am going to like the feelings that come out of me in an effort to be honest and open in my relationship to Him or to others! I will continue to be uncomfortable letting my guard down.......especially with those I don't know well or people who tend to judge based on what they think I should be doing or feeling. So, I feel unstable; in unchartered waters; on rocky ground.

BUT.....

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not rust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace;
In ev’ry high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,All other ground is sinking sand.
http://www.invitationtochrist.org/solid_rock.htm

So, I will stand on solid ground knowing that even in my vulnerabilities, He is faithful!