letting it go

I found myself today in the Oncology department at our hospital. A place I never thought I'd be..certainly never wanted to be.....as a patient. It's very sterile.....and looks a lot like an emergency room. I literally thought I was going to puke all over the floor my nerves were so fraught. After all the times I've told people over the last several weeks that "I'm okay" and "NO, I'm not worried" I guess it just all came over me like a shroud---a smothering, depressively dark one.

Then, after two appointments today with two varying opinions, I got to church and listened as Steve talked about Joshua and the walls of Jericho. I just felt like God was telling me to "let it go". I can't do anything about it anyway. Can I just tell you that I felt such a peace and freedom once I realized that was really the only thing that I can do? So, I'm letting it go.

The oncologist mostly had positive things to say. He thinks it's my blood pressure medicine, and said that even though my counts are down, they are at least doing their jobs and acting normally. I took that as GOOD NEWS. He wanted my family dr. to change my bp meds and then re-check the labs in 6 weeks. So, not one to waste any time at all, I immediately called and got an appointment with Dr. Godfrey for 6 PM. Who knew people could get an appt. that late? Dr. Godfrey, IMHO, wasn't that impressed with Dr. Wise. However, he did discontinue my bp meds.

All-in-all, I'm pleased. I have felt all week and even as nervous as I was today, that this was simply a test on that whole trust issue that I have. The question is: Do I trust God enough to take care of me? Do I trust Him enough to provide for our needs? I'm still struggling, but I certainly feel like I've made a giant leap in the right direction.

Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5

I still think He has amazing things for me to do.